Let’s face it, we are going to mess up. We are flawed relational beings who in low moments say and do things we regret. Even if we did not intentionally cause harm, understanding the impact our words and actions have on our partners is a highly valuable skill in long lasting relationships. Intent does not equal impact. Making a good repair is much more than saying “I’m sorry”; it involves getting a deep understanding of our partner’s experience of a particular situation that they found hurtful. Learn steps you can take in Making a Good Repair in my latest blog…

The smallest change that can have the biggest impact on your relationship is paying attention to your partner’s bids for connection and turning towards them in a positive way.

Love maps are at the center of a couples friendship. These maps contain a vast amount of detailed and intimate information regarding a partner’s inner world. Love maps include information about important events of the past, details about the present, and hopes and dreams about the future. As we inevitably evolve and change over the years, our love map knowledge of our partner’s needs to as well. When we show interest in our partner’s by asking questions about their inner worlds and listening intently when they share intimate details with us, the message to them is profound: “I see you”, “You matter”, “I care about the details of your life”, “I am interested in what you’re interested in”, “I love you enough to pay attention”.

Learn 5 ways you can build a secure attachment with your partners, based on attachment tips from Jessica Fern (author of Polysecure). Fern uses the acronym HEART to list the specific ways to create a safe haven and a secure base within our most precious bonds. HEART. H: here (being here and present with me); E: expressed delight; A: attunement; R: rituals & routines; T: turning towards after conflict.

Existential dread emerges when we are not living our best lives congruent with our core values. Cultivating a sense of presence and mindfulness can ground us in the present moment and provide a greater sense of calm. However, being present in the here and now is only part of the equation. We also need to commit to prioritizing and acting on our core values. To be able to live our most fulfilling and joyous lives, we have to know what those core values are...

Getting the most out of relationship counseling involves thinking about the desired changes that come from you individually. It involves thinking about your relationship, thinking about your values, and the changes you desire that will have a positive impact on your life.